


Brother

by Lilili_cat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 09:45:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18914452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilili_cat/pseuds/Lilili_cat
Summary: A branching What If based off of Writingfish's workTobirama aus: Problematic snippet collection, chapter 24Hashirama had always thought himself to be a good person.  His one dream was to bring peace to the clans and stop the unnecessary bloodshed.  Yes, he had faults, but he thought the overall balance would be in his favor.  He learns differently.





	Brother

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Writingfish (idraax)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idraax/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Tobirama aus: Problematic snippet collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18650527) by [Writingfish (idraax)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idraax/pseuds/Writingfish). 



> Since Writingfish has written a few more chapters of her fic, this is definitely a What If that is not Writingfish's story-compliant. It's inspired by the rage I felt reading chapter 24 in particular, so I'm basically going for the most tragic "make Hashirama choke on his own grief and regret" that I can think of, Greek Tragedy-style. Enjoy!

The office is dark and quiet at night, the only light from the full moon glaring coldly through a window. There would have been a candle flickering for the sake of Hashirama's eyes as he worked his way through his ever-growing mound of paperwork, but he had long since let it burn out.

Now, he sits at his desk, staring unseeing at the papers in front of him as he had done for the past several hours.

He swallows and finally shifts. His hands ache from where he grips the edge of his desk. In the moonlight, against the darkened grain of the cedar wood, they almost remind him of brittle vines, clinging onto a wall as if their very existence depended upon it, desperately seeking sunlight and water and choking everything else that sought to grow in their path.

Well...he reflects. Perhaps he is not so very different after all. Light and water...was there anything in the world so very necessary and important as those?

Burning light, like the look in Madara's eyes when they'd learned that Izuna had woken up. That bright spark of life had been missing for months and to see it brought back was like awakening from a nightmare.

Hashirama had felt as if he'd finally seen the sun again.

He had soaked in the other man's tremulous joy, basking as the sunflower did.

It was only later that he realized and remembered...

He stands abruptly and heads for the window. His stiff joints protest at the sudden movement, but he ignores them. The Hokage tower isn't the tallest place in the village, but he should be able to see it from here. He needs to see it.

He stops at the window, hands trembling before he forces himself to push open the panes.

His breath catches in his throat, and his eyes burn.

The structure is opal and silver and edged with precious rubies. The village plans to run water through it and turn it into a magnificent fountain. Madara had carefully sourced the materials from Kaze no Kuni at Izuna's insistence. They had traded their crops and their furs for it, and the Uchiha had insisted on paying for it all. It is still being built, but Izuna had rejected all of Hashirama's offers to help.

Madara had tried to soften the sting, then, offering that since Hashirama had done so much work that the Uchiha ought to pull their own weight.

Hashirama knows better, just as he knows the real reason why Izuna was so insistent upon opal and silver and rubies and why Hashirama is not allowed to touch it.

His fingers suddenly dig into the wood of the window frame, and he finds he has to turn away from the fountain.

He has failed in nearly every moral way.

A great philosopher had once laid out five principles, and it is said that countries that follow these principles become just and successful societies.

 _1) A parent is to be loving, a child obedient._  
_2) An elder sibling is to be gentle, and younger siblings respectful._  
_3) Husbands are to be good and fair, and wives understanding._  
_4) Older friends are to be considerate, younger friends reverential._  
_5) Rulers should be benevolent, and subjects loyal._

Hashirama swallows. He has never paid much attention to them, particularly the first, but...

_An elder sibling is to be gentle._

With effort, he releases the tight grip he has on the window frame and staggers back to his desk. His chakra roils like worms in the rain, and he watches with dull eyes as his desk begins to pit and rot from within.

Half a year ago, Madara would have burst in to complain about Hashirama's brother, and Hashirama would have indulgently listened and offered his own words. Even further back, a head full of white hair would have silently padded into the room to help sort the papers and leave a bowl of mushroom mixed soup on top. Perhaps, if he had a mind to, he would have just glimpsed a headful of fluffy white hair rapidly retreating through the dark shadows of his doorway.

But his eyes were more often than not drawn elsewhere. Paperwork, Madara, even thoughts of Izuna...he knows himself well enough now that he can admit he would not have spared a thought for his younger brother, so distant since the creation of the village, so diffident and silent and strange in his ways.

Bile raises in his throat, as it so often does these days, and with a snarl, he sweeps everything off his desk.

Tobirama had been an ideal younger brother indeed...but without an ideal older brother to complement him. Would that he had ever spared a thought for Tobirama! Would that he had turned and thanked the younger man, seen him instead of always desperately grasping for anything else! Given something back to the younger man who held such regard for him!

But like the sweet almond trees from Mizu no Kuni, he had greedily drank in all the water until there was none left.

He presses a shaking hand to his mouth.

A fool. He is a fool.

They have the lumber they wanted from the Fire Daimyo's court now, the trade has been good for his fledgling village. They have new negotiations for fish from Mizu no Kuni and the Inuzuka are expecting to send their first shipment of fur to Kaze no Kuni.

What use is any of this?

Tobirama is gone.

Dead.

For the sake of a brother who hadn't ever bothered to wonder at his little brother's hesitancy since the peace treaty.

Hashirama swallows back the bile.

"Your life for the village's future. Your absence for Madara's peace of mind. Your blood for Izuna's recovery. Tobirama..."

It's not fair.

Hashirama lurches away from his desk, staggering against his chair, nearly falling on it.

He doesn't understand. They had been close, once upon a time. Tobirama had taken the brunt of their father's anger over Hashirama's dreams and been loyal to him. Perhaps he had become a bit cold over the years but...he had never stopped being loyal to his elder brother.

Why had Hashirama turned away from him? When did his eyes pass through him and start to seek only Madara? When did he stop thinking of him as his Tobira-chan?

He balls his hands into fists and presses those fists against his eyelids until he feels as if his eyes were to burst. His arms shake, and he feels as if his entire body will fly apart from the invisible roots tearing through his veins.

He wants this pain to stop, he wants to feel whole again, but nothing helps. Not since Uchiha Seto had returned, alone, five moon cycles ago.

Stinging as his eyes are, he can still see the (hateful) professional demeanor the man held as he walked into the village and right up to Hashirama (Hashirama, who was waiting for Tobirama's return, who wanted to apologize to his brother, to take back the accusations he and Madara had thrown over Izuna's comatose form, to make amends for the anger he'd felt at Tobirama before he'd left, to properly greet and welcome his younger sibling and seen him return, as he had not seen him leave as a proper brother, as a benevolent hokage ought to have).

He can still remember how confused he felt when he could not spy Tobirama anywhere, when it was only one shinobi, not two, who marched underneath the arch of the newly built gates.

 

_Hashirama started, unease fluttering low in his belly. "But...," he whispered, suddenly afraid to speak as he was usually wont to, as if the very air in his lungs would bring about catastrophe if he gave voice to it. "But where's Tobirama? Where's my brother?"_

_The dark-haired man kneeled and drew a scroll from the sleeves of his black haori._

_"I have carried out your orders my Lord Hokage. The negotiations are successful." And here, he presented the scroll to Hashirama._

_Hashirama took it carefully, not yet opening it._

_Uchiha Seto cleared his throat, his face twisting strangely, a grim look entering his eyes. "My assignment concerning Senju Heir Tobirama is also complete."_

_Assignment?_

_Hashirama could only blink dumbly as the man continued._

_"The Senju Heir submitted to your will and allowed himself to be executed. His last requests are that his fur stole be sent to his cousin, Commander Touka, and the notes he compiled on Uchiha Heir Izuna's health and progress to be given to Clan Lord Madara and the Uchiha clan healers. He hopes,"--and here, the usually unflappable man's voice cracks--"he hopes, in this way, that his debt to Uchiha Heir Izuna is repaid, and that he will no longer hinder the village's progress."_

_Hinder?_

_Blood roared in Hashirama's ears, and he could not make sense of the words._

_Dimly, he noticed Madara's pallor as the color drained from his best friend's face._

_"Lastly, he begs your forgiveness for having caused you and Clan Lord Madara so much grief and hopes that his death will allay your concerns and ease your heart."_

_Hashirama dropped the scroll he had been holding. He never even realised when he fell to the floor in a faint._

 

He supposes he should be grateful to Madara. Back then, the man had broken some of his fall, enough so that he didn't hurt himself as he deserved.

But how is a man to be grateful to the person who ordered his brother's death? Because it was Madara, who slipped the order to him when he had been distracted by the mystery of Izuna's prolonged coma, Madara who thought that they would be better off if Tobirama were dead.

Light and water. The light that had caused him to forsake the water.

Hashirama fights the urge to rush to where the Uchiha have situated themselves and tear down their home, wooden plank by wooden plank. His chakra aches to engulf their pitiful houses, send thorns to rip their skin and drink in the warm blood flowing through their veins.

He grinds his teeth at the effort.

It doesn't matter that the Uchiha are now repentant, that they are building a memorial.

If Madara hadn't been so paranoid, if he hadn't blamed and loathed Tobirama, if he'd been reasonable and listened...

Ah, but it wasn't Madara's role to care for Hashirama's little brother. The man was neither older friend to be considerate, nor elder brother to be gentle. At that time, he was nothing more than enemy and hated foe. As Izuna had reminded him weeks ago, it was Hashirama's duty, and his alone.

And isn't that a jest? The Uchiha see Tobirama more clearly than he did! Izuna grasps it all better than Hashirama does! Even Madara was able to turn around years of hatred after a few short days of being acquainted with the truth!

No, it was only Hashirama who, despite knowing his brother for years, was too blind to see him.

Izuna may have been spiteful when he said it, but his words were no less truthful.

 

_When Hashirama learned of the order and seen his own damning signature, he had leapt at a pale-faced and meek Madara._

_Izuna, still recovering, still so weak, threw himself in front of his older brother._

_"You have no right to blame Aniki," Izuna hissed._

_"I have every right--" Hashirama snapped, the sting of betrayal and rage warring in his heart._

_Izuna slapped him. "How did Tobirama die?"_

_Hashirama saw red. "That bastard Uchiha you call Seto--"_

_Izuna slapped him again._

_"Seto was prepared to disobey his orders."_

_That stopped Hashirama short. His eyes widened, uncomprehending._

_"He reported--"_

_"He reported what he felt he had to."_

_No. No, it wasn't true._

_"Tobirama wouldn't have--"_

_Izuna scoffed._

_"Like he wouldn't have allowed himself to be executed because he thought it was what you ordered? Tobirama was my equal, second to none in his prowess in battle save for you, and as talented as cousin Seto is, you know full well he could never have managed to overwhelm Tobirama and return to Konohagakure alive."_

_It didn't make sense._

_"Tobirama wouldn't have. He knows how important he is to the village, to me--"_

_Izuna snorted. "Was he?"_

_How dare he. After all he had said Tobirama did for him, saving him when he had been at death's door, shouldering his recovery all alone..._

_"Izuna," Madara frowned, moving to step protectively in front of his little brother._

_The younger Uchiha shook his head and focused eyes full of contempt on Hashirama._

_"When did you ever let him be a part of this village? Was it when he bowed out of the initial negotiations because he thought you blamed him for Aniki's anger? When he retreated from planning because you didn't want to listen to him? When did you last let him know he was valued?"_

_That...that may be true, but..._

_"That doesn't mean anything," Hashirama whispered. "Seto--"_

_"Seto came to respect and admire him!" Izuna shouted. "He was trying to search for a way to disobey his orders without getting reprimanded, but Tobirama apparently knew about the order from the very start! And above all, Tobirama was loyal to you. He spoke his last wishes and bared himself to Seto's blade. And when he saw that Seto wouldn't do it, he took matters into his own hands."_

_No. Hashirama wouldn't believe it. He couldn't believe it._

_"Tobirama slit his own throat with his own kunai!"_

_At those words, Hashirama staggered and gasped._

_"And let's say Seto actually went ahead and carried out the orders you approved...that doesn't change that Tobirama went to his death willingly!"_

_"Because Madara blamed him--"_

_Izuna shrieked. "He did that for you! For your sake! Because he thought it was what you wanted!"_

_Madara placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, hesitant where he was usually brash. "Enough, Izuna. I am at fault. It was wrong of me to slip those orders in--"_

_Izuna shook off his brother's hand with a frustrated snarl. "No! You didn't hear him, Aniki, when he was tending to me. He was lonely and miserable and thought his own brother would be happier if he weren't there. He talked of every method to try to please the village, to try to please **him** ," Izuna thrust one finger furiously at Hashirama," and then always failed. He always came back feeling like he was an obstacle, like it would be better if he weren't in the village. No matter what you said to him Aniki, it was always Hashirama's opinion that mattered, Hashirama's approval he sought."_

_Madara shook his head. "But that was my fault as well. I blamed him for you and--"_

_"--and you had every reason to. You were enemies. You didn't know what he'd done for me."_

_Izuna shuddered and choked._

_"I owe him, Aniki. We both owe him. The entire clan, no, the village itself owes him for foiling that plant-monster. You all did not treated him as he deserved, but..."_

_The younger Uchiha turned back to Hashirama._

_"Answer me this, Senju Hashirama: would Tobirama have died if it weren't for your disregard? Didn't you hope he would stop causing you problems and standing in the way of your dreams?"_

_Hashirama shook. He could think of nothing to say._

_Izuna spat at him._

_"You--who should've stood by your own kin, who didn't see the brother loyal to you and trampled him in your haste to achieve your dreams...It was you and you alone that caused his death."_

_And for the second time in a month, Hashirama felt himself swaying, as if the ground itself could eat him._

_"His blood is on your hands, kinslayer!"_

 

With a shuddering breath, Hashirama manages to tear his fist from his eyes and straightens once more, blinking at the glare of the moon. His anger at the Uchiha ebbs and turns inward. As he deserves. 

Madara still does not agree, and the Uchiha head has made himself scarce in an attempt to soothe Hashirama's pain, to keep himself from reminding Hashirama of his brother's death.

If Hashirama were more of a cynical man, he would laugh. The light he had spent years thinking of and reaching out to, that light now shuns him.

And the attempt is all for naught. Hashirama is reminded of Tobirama everywhere, from the thunderous expression in Izuna's face whenever the younger Uchiha caught sight of him, to whispers from villagers suspicious of a man who could order the death of his own little brother with so little justification, to Uchiha Seto's carefully concealed distaste whenever he passed by the man in the market.

His eyes fall upon his desk once again, and he suddenly straightens. Gently, he runs a careful hand over the wooden grain of his desk, sending a small flicker of chakra to heal the indents on its surface and to soothe away the rot forming at its center.

A gift from the Fire Daimyo, a formality to seal the negotiations. The last mission Tobirama had undertaken.

Hashirama's eyes burn with heat, but he has no water to give.

"I miss you Tobira," he whispers to the empty office. "Your worthless elder brother misses you."


End file.
